The Fibro Follies

I’ve been in a rut of sorts lately.

See, usually I’m pretty highly functional for a fibromite (thanks in no small part to tramadol). But the last few days I’ve been feeling increasingly run down and … off, I guess, is the only word to describe it. (Remember our discussion about how hard it is to convey your pain to another person? Yeah, I’m feeling that, too.)

Now, normally, when I’m feeling “off” (and I’m supposed to be the writer - ha!), I can power through. I pop some acetaminophen, do some yoga, meditate more frequently, and break out the heating pad if all else fails. All that takes care of the physical symptoms - well, to some degree - but it’s the emotional wallop that can really bring me down into a state of nonfunctioning muddling-through-ness.

When we’re first diagnosed, we can often experience a state approaching euphoria. We’ve been sick for a long time, usually, without knowing why or what’s got us feeling like road kill under the proverbial wheels of the proverbial Mack truck. Hearing the pronouncement - “you have fibromyalgia” - makes a huge difference in our outlook. Finally, a name! Something to call it, some validation, some support . . . but then the reality begins to sink in. We still have the same symptoms. Naming does not equate to curing.

This is the maintenance stage, and it’s crucial. While seeking diagnosis, it feels more urgent and immediate. But this is the marathon - the long distance run. And while we know that our mental outlook is crucial to our wellbeing, just as much as getting enough sleep and taking our medication as prescribed, it’s easier said than done. The simple truth is that when we experience flare-ups, we are at risk for feeling depressed, sad, angry, and all host of so-called negative emotions.

What do we do with those? We can deny them - which I try to do on occasion (hence the “power through” comment). And while that might work for awhile, it will always come back and bite you in the posterior, demanding to be dealt with. I’ve learned - or, rather, am learning - to try to accept the negative stuff and instead of powering through, just ride the wave. Be in the moment. Go with the flow. All those nice cliches. But actually, “ride the wave” is a good metaphor. Something outside yourself is carrying you along for a ride, and it’s very hard to let go and trust the wave. But every wave will wear itself out eventually, and struggling against it will ultimately just wear you out faster.

Ride the wave into the shore and you’ll eventually find yourself on your own two feet again.